A sad truth, but also a gem of an insight:
In some ways saying a man is gay is like saying he is white. That is meaningless. A red-haired Scot is white, but so are Armenians, Arabs and Italians. There is a wide range of physical types and appearances all included in the white race.
As far as I can tell, most gay men aren’t effeminate. Most gay men aren’t particularly creative or ultra butch. I know some happily married gay men. I know some men who fall madly in love with anyone who has a cock. Others are attracted to only one man. The world is a complex and complicated place. The saddest situation is when you find a gay man who is afraid of sex. They had all the desires and needs, but they had no way to fulfill those desires.
I think they are similar to girls from good and proper families in the Victorian period. They wanted to marry and have a family, but they were taught to abhor sex and sexual relations. Having been taught that sex was degrading and dirty, they found it impossible to have a complete life.
(quoted from author Bob Archman)